been playing around with photoshop. Does this look painted enough?

Wow, its been a while

I went into med school wanting to heal people. Knowing that I loved stories, life, and happiness. I guess I didn't realize that the process of healing people means that they had to be broken in the first place. It's an easily missed piece of the puzzle; minimized by the glimmering glory of the theory of re-creating happiness and health.

I think somewhere between first year and second year, that denial of the very important details of unhappiness, pain, suffering and death, was fueled by the mind numbing classes and eccentric people that I were immersed in. I remember even earlier this year feeling happy that I was at the point where I can do simple diagnosis and make guesses on treatment. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I got a good month and a half of studying for the boards; during which I had a full, strong dose of re-learning about all the things that can destroy one's normal life. Pain, suffering, and death, even in their typed-on-page form can be pretty depressing when one eats, walks, and sleeps with the stuff for a month and a half.

I mean, for the past two years, I've seen some gruesome stuff. Death, dead people, sick people, pain. Now that I think back, I wonder why it never hit me that I will be immersed in suffering. I guess it's only natural for doctors to heal then. It's human nature. It's like fighting for breath when you're sinking - you don't think about it, you just fight for life. When you get to that stage of being competent and are surrounded by challenges of death- do you heal because you love people, or because it's just your intrinsic nature to fight?

So I guess, I'm just kind of afraid that I'll be jaded.